Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
