you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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