You just made me feel so damn special
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
