tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
