Will you blow on my dice?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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