So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
