what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
now i know why i became what i already was.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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