If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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