You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
