I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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