Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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