Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
