Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize