we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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