So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
