god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
