guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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