u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
