careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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