I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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