End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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