im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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