i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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