is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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