Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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