I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
