I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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