pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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