i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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