Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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