im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
