My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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