There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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