paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
