Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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