I hate all girls vehemently.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
