I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
