my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
