did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
