C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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