I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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