yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
