got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
