Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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