I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
