from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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