Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
