when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
