Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
