Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
