how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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