Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize