my room smells like sperm. sweet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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