why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
