To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize