i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
