Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
this hospital has no fireball
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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