Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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