just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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