OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
