thus making me awesome and them whores
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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