Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
