can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
