Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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