I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
