I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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