You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
