Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
