I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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