you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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