I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
