We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
