well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
nutella sex= disaster
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize