So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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