I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
