Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
