I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize