Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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