omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
