Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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