maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
only you would photoshop your dick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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