Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
