I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
