She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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