but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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