Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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