Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize