people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize